Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A new year, and a new way of life

Long time, no see, right?
I want to apologize for not posting for so long. Somehow the fall and start of winter got away from me, and suddenly we were wrapping up 2013.

I had planned to write about goals for 2014, but unfortunately, the start of 2014 has been, well, devastating. I unexpectedly lost my mother on January 2nd. She went to the hospital for an outpatient angioplasty on the artery in her knee on New Years Eve, and unfortunately there were some major complications. The doctors found additional blockages and although they tried to clear them, there was a blockage to the artery supplying blood to her bowels and intestines, and the systems had become necrotic and were shutting down. We were fortunate to spend her final hours with her, and I am grateful that my last words to her were "I love you".

There are so many more words to say, but frankly, I don't know how to say them. Losing my mother has been the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. It has also been the most humbling. The outpouring of love and support from family and friends has been overwhelming, and coming from what I always thought was a small circle, it has really humbled me. She touched so many lives in ways I couldn't have imagined. Usually it was in what many would feel were small things but when those things are gone, you realize how much of a difference it made to people.

Her memorial service was on Saturday the 11th. I had no idea how many people would come, but the entire afternoon I was met by people who came to express their sympathy and love for her and the rest of us. When we began the service, the entire room was full. It was amazing. My father, brother, husband and I all spoke, as well as a few of her friends. Their words were simple and loving and perfect. We shared tears and laughs together. After the service, many people came to my parents house to be with my dad. We shared more tears and laughs, were fortified by food and love. It was an overwhelming and exhausting day, but it was a perfect tribute to my mom.

I am still processing all of this. It's still very difficult to talk to people about. Today was my first real day back at work, and it was hard. I cry every day and I miss her so much. We're just taking things one day at a time, it's really all we can do, right?

(My mother, about 1977)

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